Q&A: Royal Bangs

Knoxville, Tenn. natives Royal Bangs open for The Black Keys Tuesday, Oct. 7 at Coyote's at City Block. 9 p.m. $20. —MH

LEO: What do you look for in bangs? Hairspray does hurt the environment, you know.

RB: So does driving around in a huge van shooting a jet of white-hot classic American pollution juice behind us. Maybe we should try to convert our van to run on hairspray combustion instead. This Earf only respects you if you give it a run for its money; I say it's time the old gal started fighting back. I'll whoop a damn tree's ass.

LEO: How many lewd and lascivious acts are committed in the great Smoky Mountains each year?

RB: From Wikipedia:

"Ham" is the thigh and rump of pork, cut from the haunch of a pig or boar. Although it may be cooked and served fresh, most ham is cured in some fashion. Cuts referred to as Ham in the US are called Gammon in the UK and Ireland.

Ham can be dry-cured or wet-cured. A dry-cured ham has been rubbed in a mixture containing salt and a variety of other ingredients (most usually some proportion of sodium nitrate and sodium nitrite). This is followed by a period of drying and aging. Dry-cured hams may require a period of re-hydration prior to consumption. A wet-cured ham has been cured with a brine, either by immersion or injection. The division between wet and dry cure is not always hard-and-fast as some ham curing methods begin wet but are followed by dry aging.

Dry-cured varieties include Italian prosciutto crudo [pro.ʃ'ʃut:to 'kru:do] (prosciutto di Parma, prosciutto di San Daniele, prosciutto di Carpegna, prosciutto di Modena, prosciutto Toscano, prosciutto Veneto Berico-Euganeo, Valle d’Aosta Jambon de Bosses, prosciutto di Norcia) and the Spanish Jamon serrano and jamón ibérico. The United States has country ham (including Virginia ham), which might or might not be smoked. England has the York ham. Germany's Westphalian ham is usually smoked over juniper, in Belgium there is the smoked Ardennes ham, and from China there is the unsmoked Jinhua ham. In Bulgaria the specific Elenski but is produced. In Iran, the dry-cured Zard Kūh ham is produced.[citation needed]"

I don't know. How would YOU answer that question?

LEO: There's a mechanical bull at Coyote's. Have you ever ridden one?
RB: I cannot in good conscience support the exploitation of innocent robots. This is a real problem in America, one that our current leadership fails to address time and time again. I dream of a not too distant future, one in which every robot has the freedom to find its own way in the world. The next time you force some innocent robot to pull down a bag of Cheetos from the top shelf, soak and rinse your car, or fling your frat brothers from side to side in time to an Alan Jackson song in a crowded bar, think of the millions of baby robots whose dismal future you bring a little closer.

LEO: The end of "New Scissors" sounds like you murdered a Casio. Where did you bury it?
RB: I do not condone the murder of electronics any more than I support the enslavement of robots. I worked in gentle partnership with a computer to coax a pleasant mix of noises from its guts. I then allowed it to run around in the yard for an hour before asking it to check my Google Alerts for "Michael McDonald nip slip."

LEO: What are the possible implications of epileptics viewing www.royalbangs.com?
RB: In the words of our primary musical influence, Rocky IV's Ivan Drago, "if he is true champion, he will live; if he dies, he dies," or something. They should use our website as a training exercise, to become stronger.